These past few days have been a test of my faith. Since Tuesday, I have been sick, and although most people get better every day, I'm steadily getting worse. My illness isn't just some common cold, it's a cold with a sore throat and asthma. We can call it CORTHMA in medical terms. So, my symptoms include an achy body, a sore throat, a cough, a runny nose, and the inability to breathe. Yikes!
All that being said, I think this is the Devil testing me. He's testing my faith. It's hard not to push those doubts out of my head: "What if I'm too sick to go" and "What if I get even worse there"? Although I can't say I'm well enough to go at this point (the night before), especially with the severity of my asthma, I will say that I'm trying to think positive thoughts and trust in God.
I'm not just the only one who is sick. There are quite a few of us who have come down with illness or are run-down and physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. We are all doing the final preparations, and for most of us it is downright tiring.
Please pray for all of us as we prepare these last few hours.
Friday, July 11, 2008
weelll i guess i should pack...
so we're leaving tomorrow. i must admit, i have no butterflies in my stomach or anything like that, i'm actually a little bit confused as to why i'm not super excited...i suppose the last little while has been extremely hectic with the internship, organizing and running chinese camp, and friday nights as well as tweaking the lesson plans for the STM, there hasn't been a lot of time to pack, or even think too much. anywho, i really do look forward to the STM and i know God will work!
Saturday, July 5, 2008
one week
It's exactly one week until departure.
How do I feel? I'm fine when I'm busy doing things, but when I sit down and pause for a while.. I feel tired. heavy. burdened. And I don't really know why. I feel lonely; I feel like my hearts constricting and I can't breathe.
The rain helps, a little. I'm waiting for air. I'm waiting for the breakthrough. I'm open, broken and I say, "God, fix me please."
How do I feel? I'm fine when I'm busy doing things, but when I sit down and pause for a while.. I feel tired. heavy. burdened. And I don't really know why. I feel lonely; I feel like my hearts constricting and I can't breathe.
The rain helps, a little. I'm waiting for air. I'm waiting for the breakthrough. I'm open, broken and I say, "God, fix me please."
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
A Family Once Unknown
It's amazing how one common goal can unite strangers.
When I first got together with my STM (Short Term's Mission) team, I considered them all strangers. Sure, we had grown up in the same church for years, but I rarely communicated with them. I was always in my own group, and they in theirs. So you can guess that when we got together for the first time to meet, I felt relatively shy amongst them.
Anyways, for the past few months, we've been meeting and sharing our spiritual growth, preparing the lessons, and organizing various fundraisers. Even though we had been meeting together for quite some time now, I still felt relatively uncomfortable around them.
That all changed last Sunday.
On Sunday, we held our fundraising dinner at Burnaby Alliance Church. We had been preparing for weeks, organizing guests, food, games, decor, and other important aspects. However, no one could expect just how much effort and time was needed until that actual day.
The day was extremely long. In just a few short hours, we had to put together an evening for over 100 people. It was crazy! We rushed to get organized by preparing the tables, the lighting, the games, the presentations, the organized help... etc. It was a tiring experience.
However, the one thing that amazed me was how quickly we banded together. Everybody worked together to get things done. Nobody argued or had anything negative to say. It was amazing how smoothly it went.
What's more, we became family.
Our team had never done anything together like this since we've started meeting. Putting together an evening dinner in such a short amount of time made us become one. We were united in our goal. We shared in laughter, in struggle, and in pleasure the entire night. We had, at times, some downs, yet though all the toils and troubles, and in my moments of stress, many of my team members unknowingly did something to help me feel better. A smile, a pat on the back, a shared joke, a word of encouragement; these are things that strangers don't usually do for each other.
For some reason after the dinner, I finally felt like these people, who had once been strangers to me, were my family. I began to see various individuals, not as "that person", but as someone who understands me and has the same goals as I. All the uncomfortable feelings were gone. They were my brothers and sisters in Christ. Our blood, tears, and sweat had been spilled.
Altogether, this summer has been extremely stressful, with my last semester of university, working 3-4 days a week, and on top of all that, the mission's trip itself. All that being said, I have come to realize one thing this week: not only do I have Christ as my rock, I have this team as well.
I am so happy to be working with this group of individuals. I couldn't ask for anybody better. They are, without a doubt, a family once unknown.
When I first got together with my STM (Short Term's Mission) team, I considered them all strangers. Sure, we had grown up in the same church for years, but I rarely communicated with them. I was always in my own group, and they in theirs. So you can guess that when we got together for the first time to meet, I felt relatively shy amongst them.
Anyways, for the past few months, we've been meeting and sharing our spiritual growth, preparing the lessons, and organizing various fundraisers. Even though we had been meeting together for quite some time now, I still felt relatively uncomfortable around them.
That all changed last Sunday.
On Sunday, we held our fundraising dinner at Burnaby Alliance Church. We had been preparing for weeks, organizing guests, food, games, decor, and other important aspects. However, no one could expect just how much effort and time was needed until that actual day.
The day was extremely long. In just a few short hours, we had to put together an evening for over 100 people. It was crazy! We rushed to get organized by preparing the tables, the lighting, the games, the presentations, the organized help... etc. It was a tiring experience.
However, the one thing that amazed me was how quickly we banded together. Everybody worked together to get things done. Nobody argued or had anything negative to say. It was amazing how smoothly it went.
What's more, we became family.
Our team had never done anything together like this since we've started meeting. Putting together an evening dinner in such a short amount of time made us become one. We were united in our goal. We shared in laughter, in struggle, and in pleasure the entire night. We had, at times, some downs, yet though all the toils and troubles, and in my moments of stress, many of my team members unknowingly did something to help me feel better. A smile, a pat on the back, a shared joke, a word of encouragement; these are things that strangers don't usually do for each other.
For some reason after the dinner, I finally felt like these people, who had once been strangers to me, were my family. I began to see various individuals, not as "that person", but as someone who understands me and has the same goals as I. All the uncomfortable feelings were gone. They were my brothers and sisters in Christ. Our blood, tears, and sweat had been spilled.
Altogether, this summer has been extremely stressful, with my last semester of university, working 3-4 days a week, and on top of all that, the mission's trip itself. All that being said, I have come to realize one thing this week: not only do I have Christ as my rock, I have this team as well.
I am so happy to be working with this group of individuals. I couldn't ask for anybody better. They are, without a doubt, a family once unknown.
Happiness in the Dark
The other day I was having a conversation with a friend who had recently left my church. He said to me, "The church (Burnaby Alliance) is falling apart".
I thought he was right.
Recently, Burnaby Alliance (BAC) had been going through many changes. We got news that our youth pastor was leaving, and several long time members of our church had already done so weeks before. They were (and still are) all good friends of mine, so it was tough to see them go. It felt like a piece of me and the church was leaving.
I must admit, with the departure of these people, things had begun to feel hopeless, pointless, and despairing. For a while, I, like many people in the church, felt a sense of disbelief and sadness. Why would God bring such troubles to our doorstep?
For the past few weeks, I was feeling quite down the last little while because of all that had happened.
Until today.
We had a baptism this morning, and as I sat there watching all the young teens and children giving their testimonies, I realized something: God has not left us. My friend was wrong.
Indeed, we had and will continue to lose many important people in our church, but God continues to bring in new individuals and strong young leaders to take over. Moreover, even though we were going through hardships (and still are), God has not stopped working in our church and making changes for His glory. Finally, these troubles are when our faith is tested, and not only can and will this bring us as a church family together, it can, in the end, better us as a whole because of it. It is when a family is put to the test must they band together to find strength and comfort in each other.
Ultimately, prior to today I felt like BAC was in the darkness, as was I. However I realized that despite being in the darkness, so too can I find happiness and optimism, and it is only when I fix my eyes upon Christ do I see it.
I thought he was right.
Recently, Burnaby Alliance (BAC) had been going through many changes. We got news that our youth pastor was leaving, and several long time members of our church had already done so weeks before. They were (and still are) all good friends of mine, so it was tough to see them go. It felt like a piece of me and the church was leaving.
I must admit, with the departure of these people, things had begun to feel hopeless, pointless, and despairing. For a while, I, like many people in the church, felt a sense of disbelief and sadness. Why would God bring such troubles to our doorstep?
For the past few weeks, I was feeling quite down the last little while because of all that had happened.
Until today.
We had a baptism this morning, and as I sat there watching all the young teens and children giving their testimonies, I realized something: God has not left us. My friend was wrong.
Indeed, we had and will continue to lose many important people in our church, but God continues to bring in new individuals and strong young leaders to take over. Moreover, even though we were going through hardships (and still are), God has not stopped working in our church and making changes for His glory. Finally, these troubles are when our faith is tested, and not only can and will this bring us as a church family together, it can, in the end, better us as a whole because of it. It is when a family is put to the test must they band together to find strength and comfort in each other.
Ultimately, prior to today I felt like BAC was in the darkness, as was I. However I realized that despite being in the darkness, so too can I find happiness and optimism, and it is only when I fix my eyes upon Christ do I see it.
So I'll Wait...
Hungry i come to You
For i know You satisfy
I am weary but i know Your touch
Restores my life
So i'll wait for You
So i'll wait for You
I'm falling on knees
Offering all of me
Jesus You're all this heart is waiting for
Broken i run to You
For Your arms are opened wide
I am empty but i know Your love
Does not run dry
So i'll wait for You
So i'll wait for You
I'm falling on knees
Offering all of me
Jesus You're all this heart is waiting for
For i know You satisfy
I am weary but i know Your touch
Restores my life
So i'll wait for You
So i'll wait for You
I'm falling on knees
Offering all of me
Jesus You're all this heart is waiting for
Broken i run to You
For Your arms are opened wide
I am empty but i know Your love
Does not run dry
So i'll wait for You
So i'll wait for You
I'm falling on knees
Offering all of me
Jesus You're all this heart is waiting for
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